I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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