just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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