Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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