apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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