I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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