yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
