a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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