I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
