goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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