Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
