Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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