I faked an abortion last night.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize