Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
we're making bets on your personal life
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
