Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
