Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
