I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
