My room smells like vodka and shame
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize