i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
