so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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