Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
