That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
