shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
