The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
