My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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