i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
