So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
