I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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