Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
