I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
