Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
