he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Pooping to opera.
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