The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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