Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Alive.
So much puke
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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