I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
