meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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