Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i may or may not be watching the land before time
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
