saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize