either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
