what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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