You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
