I heard we made out
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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