I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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