So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Randomize
