Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Please, let me fuck your mom
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
