dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
