You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
