eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
