I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
