my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
