that's an acceptable place to lick
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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