I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
