i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
