i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
