He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
