Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
