are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
