great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
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