how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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