She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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