New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
