Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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