There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
