____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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