Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My pussy is not your playground.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
