the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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