Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Randomize
