He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
