mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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