I can feel you judging me through the phone.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize