Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
