does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
