So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
